Llandegley International Airport will be getting a second runway if a certain candidate wins in the upcoming general election.
Lady Lily the Pink of the Monster Raving Loony Party has pledged she will back a second runway at Llandegley International Airport, the infamous fictional airport in Radnorshire, as she stands for the Brecon, Radnor and Cwm Tawe seat for a third time.
Lady Lily, also known as ‘Nun of the above or below’ will be campaigning in a fully embroidered nuns’ habit – “I’m going to be preaching”.
She also has a range of policies designed to please the local population – “We will make Swansea Airport the Hub of the Welsh Space Program,” said Lady Lily.
“When issuing polling cards, we will include a compact mirror so voters can check who they say they are – thus reducing voter fraud.”
She has also come up with a sporting policy designed to win over local voters in the constituency.
“The World Bog Snorkelling and Man v Horse Marathon will added as Olympic sports,” added Lady Lily.
Lady Lily has said she thinks the snap election was called to derail her campaign.
“I think Sunak must have got wind that I was trying to raise my deposit, I’ve got plenty of time. We’ll probably have it in October to November,” she added. “Two days after I started my crowdfunding he called a snap election, I think it's because we scared him into action.”
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The Monster Raving Loony Party have said that they are the only party who would immediately tear up all their policies in their Manicfesto.
Such policies include a proposal “to prevent identity theft instantly by calling everyone Chris”, a policy “to protect pets and people of a nervous disposition introducing silent fireworks” and “grey squirrels being painted red to increase the red squirrel population.”
According to Lady Lily she gets a warm reception as the aim of the party is to reduce voter apathy.
“We use a bit of satire and a bit of tongue in cheek to point out what a load of nonsense it all is,” said Lady Lily. “Professional politicians, I’m sure there is a school where people go – perhaps it’s Eton – where you learn to say lots of words without saying anything.
“I’ll be at all the hustings if I can. My only reason why I stand is to try and increase awareness of the election and engage people into a political discussion and get the to go and put a cross in a box and act as a protest box on there.
“Everyone should vote and there should be an option to say the system is failing us and none of these parties represent our needs and if more people could say that than abstaining they would have to do something about it.”
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